I know that there are many times when would have liked to step in during certain fights or problems with my kids and their friends, but a lot of times, I do not. I will let the children battle it out on their own the majority of the time and it is a rare occasion where I will step in and actually punish another child. Typically, if tempers are to a point where nothing is getting resolved and it is time for me to step in, I will always address my own children and focus on them since I never feel quite right when it comes to disciplining someone else's child.

One of my other typical ways to resolve the fighting or deal with the problems happening is always to take my kids out of the equation, so when the other mom put my son in time-out, it wasn't that I was opposed to that form of punishment, it was more that she took control of the situation not allowing me as the mother to parent or correct my own child. I feel that is wasn't her responsibility, especially if I am standing right there ready to deal with the problem, and she crossed a line that she shouldn't have. It was also a frustrating situation in that she ignored her own children's behavior to deal with my child. I don't ever believe that my children are ever innocent when fighting occurs, everyone plays a part, no matter how small and for a mom to only focus on one child and let the others skate free is unfair to everyone.

yep I understand that completely....with the group of friends we normally hang out with we are totally into the community parenting and will correct eachother's....sometimes all it takes is that "look" and they know they have stepped over the line. Even when being at like the school events all it takes is that "look". Being a coach and a mom I am sure you have encountered the same thing with your team.

Tatum, I think it is important for other responsible adults to discipline my child "appropriately" when I am not around. Children need to know that when I am not there, they must still behave. However, having the mother step in my way is a big mistake, not only does it send a message to my child that their parent is not in charge of their safety, but it demeans my parental authority. I congratulate you on your forsight into this topic.

Well I can totally see how this is a touchy topic. I feel very uncomfortable when I am put in a situation where a child needs to be disciplined and the parents refuse to do so. If I do not know the child/parents then I usually just ignore the child and let my child know that we do not act that way.(unless the child is going to hurt someone by his/her behavior) If I know the child/parents then I may say something to the child to help change the behavior. Tatum, it sounds like you were not given the opportunity to discipline your child, so I can see why you were upset. Not sure why she would single your child out when others were involved, unless she saw something that maybe you didn't. Nevertheless, she probably should have given you an opportunity to deal with the situation. I think it is extremely hard to see anyone else besides your spouse discipline your kids.....that is a very fine line for some people.

I think as parents we all have the mama bear instinct that kicks into high gear when someone steps on our territory. I believe that if a parent is present and the child is not in your immediate care than it is not your responsibility to reprimand. However, if the child was in your care than discipline such as a time out may be required in certain situations. I myself have had a similar ordeal however mine varied because my child was expected to apologize to the child that caused the entire issue. My child was not doing anything other than sticking up for herself. The parent and I had worked it out and the children were going to talk to one another. However, a few days later the other parent of the child that bullied my child decided to reprimand my child when I was not present. When I found out it sent every emotion reeling. My mama bear instinct kicked in and I thought, how dare someone approach my daughter and demand an apology from her when I was not present. I can completely relate. So I have a strong conviction that if the child is not directly related to you or left in your care then it is not anyones place but a parents to reprimand. If it is a big issue I would no longer have playdates with a parent who does not discipline thier own children.

Usually when kids come over and there are no parents present, if a behavior occurs that we don't approve of, we state what the rules are in Our home. (mine are getting older) " no belching, no climbing on the furniture, please don't use the ping pong table as a seat, no airsoft without protection, etc." It is rare when I have had a kid openly defy rules. When it did happen I reported it later to the mom. We now host a church life group and have kids as young as 5 coming. We usually hesitate to discipline and if the parent doesn't step in then it is our home and my husband did put a child in a time out after a warning. He asked him not to do something. He later walked in and he was vaulting himself again off the back of our sofa and was immediately timed out by my husband. When fights occur it is often hard to determine who is at fault unless you were present the entire time so sometimes I tell them it's time to change activites or you can always use it as a teaching time for your own child as they will encounter problem behaviors all their life even in a boardroom someday so how should they handle it? We do teach ours to always use words first but if someone EVER lays hands on them aggressively they have a right to defend themselves.